DEMONIC MACHINES

What is with computer programs or electronic machines? 

It seems that now every electronic machine I touch has some kind of poltergeist living within.   I think it may have started when I bought my new computer, now a year old.  I just thought it was the Vista programming or the HP computer itself. 

But, now I’m wondering. I must confess that I knew nothing about Vista or about HP computers but it sounded like it was what I wanted and because it felt good.  I know that does sound strange but it’s true.  It has a nice feel to it and I hate to have to give it up because I do really like the feel of it.

So, I suffered this past year with my computer having it ZOOM gyrating between 10-800% while I’m trying to type an essay or any lengthy piece of work; or, when I’m trying to highlight many pages.  I got very good at correcting the problem quickly, returning it to 75%, and not getting upset whenever it acted up.  

Another thing it does is jump from one line to the next so that when I am typing and not looking at the screen I may be typing in the lower or upper paragraph without knowing.  The upside of this problem is that I have taught myself to type without looking at the keys.  But depending on my physical positions this is not always possible.  

The next thing it will do is place copied material in the middle of a paragraph, not where I have designated it to go, making strange and incoherent sentences.

Still another problem is when I “un-do” a typing error.  The computer will reset all of the corrections I have laboriously entered.  This has been difficult for me but I have adjusted to the extra work I have had to do in order to get my papers done. Most essays take four to five times longer for me to type than any other person I know. I’ve decided to call it “Chuck’itza,” translated as “little Chuck.”

Then this summer I bought a new cell phone called the “Smart Phone.” I should have known better.  Anytime something says “Smart” one should know it’s going to be trouble or at least break before it’s time.  I have written another blog about this phone so I won’t repeat it here.  Let’s just say I now call my new phone, “Chucky.” I called him Chuck because he really is demonic where Chuck’itza is really just confused… 

Two incidences shouldn’t concern one but when everything starts to act demonic, one does have to worry; or at least wonder what is happening to create this problem.

SMART PHONES ARE THEY DEMONIC?

By Sleepy Sally Sandman

You may be wondering what possibly could be the connection between this Insomniac and the Smart Phone.  We insomniacs obviously have trouble sleeping; not just falling asleep but staying asleep.  So how does this phone interfere with sleeping? Let me start at the beginning.

I had been without a cell phone for several months and my sons were bothering me to get a new one. While on a trip to Boston one summer’s day my son saw a large billboard advertizing a new phone provider in this area, PCS.  

Hoping that this provider could give service to me in the black hole that I live in; I proceeded to look up this new kid in town.  After much web surfing for information and with several false leads I located a store nearest me.  I won’t go much further on that subject for that episode would take another blog to present.  So, I will just leave it at, I located the store after an eight hour search. Then after looking at the selection I was able to purchase I settled on the I-phone. It sounded terrific. It did all the things I wanted it to and… to my dismay several more. 

This is the latest phone that has come on the market and supposedly has all kinds of programs to make your life easier and more informed. Remember this is called the “Smart Phone” and I soon found out that smart phones, do kinds of things all on their own. As a matter of fact I might just call mine, “Chucky”

The “smart phone” turns itself on at various times during the day or night.  One can turn the phone off and an hour or two goes buy and it’s on again. It’s programmed to give you the weather or maybe the number of runs the Red Sox have hit or the inning or maybe the status of route three going north.  I live south of the city and the information I get is useless. But in particular, none of these things interest me at two or three or four in the morning.  But, happily Chucky gives this information night or day weather I want it or not.

Then there are the all the bells and whistles this devious device has.  At a prescribed time, unknown to me because it varies, the phone discharges itself thus requiring me to connect it up to the charger.  But if I’m sleeping I don’t know it is divesting itself of the charge and I will find a low battery signal, essentially a dead phone, when I need to use it the next time. 

Chucky will sit enjoying himself on my desk receiving the charge and after he has had enough; he rings a bell that tells me he is fully charged. But don’t let that fool you for after an hour or two Chucky WILL discharge himself again. I think he gets off on being charged.  Finely I got wise to him and after much trial and error I overcame this problem.  I leave him plugged in over night.  He doesn’t like it very much and rings his bell periodically to let me know he is done, often getting louder & louder.  I just ignore him.  I know his tricks now.

Then there are the “Announcements.”  Mind you the phone is supposed to be completely “off.”  But is it? How does it turn itself on?  And how can I dismember this app or this “wonderful feature” I never use… Well according to all the websites I’ve visited and the technical manual given to me when I bought this overpriced electric demon, YOU CAN’T!  There is NO way to delete any PRE-INSTALLED program.

It’s too late to return Chucky, so, here I am with stuck with him turning himself on during class, disrupting everyone, but most of all, annoying my professor and making me look like a fool. Maybe Chucky thinks he is just keeping me company during the night but for all his efforts, Chucky the “Smart Phone” just keeps me awake.  

Enough for now I see the sky getting light and maybe, just maybe, I’ll get a few winks in before I have to get up for school.

Sleep tight everyone. Don’t let the bedbugs bite.

Sleepy Sally Sandman